I’m struggling with sin and pride and despair. I’m lost and stuck and the love of this world is so deeply rooted in my heart that there’s no room for God. Everytime I receive grace, i despise it and fall back down. There’s so much hate, envy, vanity, anger, pride and lust in my heart. I feel so buried in sin by my choices. Can you pray that I can make better choices? I know no one can do it for me. I know I have to try. I keep falling back into the same patterns. Same addictions. Same unhealthy coping skills. I can’t break free and the weight of it crushes me. I want virtue but live in sin. I want to find God but ignore His voice every second. I’m afraid I won’t hear it anymore if I keep asking it to stop. I’m afraid I’ll be like this forever, laying in this pit of sin, covered in pride. I’m so tired. But the problem is, I haven’t prayed or fasted or humbled myself, even with all this grace.
Can you pray that I make better choices regardless of where I am or who I’m with? That God put the love in my heart to cover all this sin I’m living in. And give me the strength to keep trying. Can you pray that God won’t remove his grace even when I stray but will bring me back to the Way every single day. That I will find myself on my knees even in the pit… even after i sin. That God will hear my prayer even when I am wicked.